Cosmic Love
by PossimpiblyPossimpible
Summary: James Potter has always been terrorizing Lily Evans' stay at Hogwarts. A big realization hits him and he's brought into "darkness", confused, scared, distraught, and depressed. Cosmic Love, James can't see no sun, no stars, and no moon, because of her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello guys. I worked on this only today so don't freak out on me that I'm neglecting my other stories. I just had this idea and _had _to write it. It's only two chapters long. I hope you'll like it. :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter because if I did, I would let Tonks, Remus, and Fred live. I do not own Cosmic Love, all rights are to Florence and The Machine and her record label.**

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><p><strong>Cosmic Love<strong>

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><p>"<em>A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes<em>_  
><em>_I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out__  
><em>_You left me in the dark__  
><em>_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight__  
><em>_In the shadow of your heart__"  
>-Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine<em>

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><p><strong>CHAPTER ONE<strong>

James Potter had always been making fun of one Lily Evans. He's been doing it for years, not knowing why. Maybe it was because she used to have ridiculous things called 'braces' on her teeth and her hair used to be in pig tails all the time. But James was unsure. Maybe it was because she was friend with that slimy git Severus "Snivellus" Snape.

James was in his seventh year and he was sitting alone in the Gryffindor table, watching Lily Evans talking with Benjy Fenwick, both were the Heads. Lily Evans had changed a lot. She no longer fixed her hair in pig tails but she let it fall in a neat wavy bundle on her back. She no longer had braces and her teeth were perfect. She was brave and angsty. She also had a loyal heart, an innocent heart. Lily sent him a glare, he didn't notice he was staring for so long.

"See something you like, Potter?" said Lily heatedly.

In fact, James _did _see something he liked but he wouldn't let her know _that_. He only shook his head and turned back to his bowl of cereal with immense difficulty. He hadn't notice Lily raise her eyebrows at James' behavior. James has been like that for the whole year, trying to restrain himself from doing anything stupid. He had declined taking part in immense pranks with his three friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, but joined in with jokes and pranks that implied minimal damage. He had always liked Lily but never actually thought about her seriously. At the start of term, James had made a silent oath after an immense prank that involved a piece of parchment, some crazy assumptions and the Gryffindor Notice Board, that his aim would be to befriend Lily Evans and earn her trust.

James glanced back at Lily and Benjy. A slight pain in his chest roared when he saw Lily and Benjy laughing and acting all cutesy. His eyes roamed around her face, taking in her every feature. How her almond shaped green eyes closed when she laughs. How her cheeks pushes upwards when she smiles. How her mouth moves gracefully with each word she uttered. Her whole face was an orchestra, ready to make beautiful music.

_Oooh! A tiny freckle! _James thought with a grin. He hadn't noticed he had been holding his breath in until that thought. He continued watching her carefully and to his advantage, Lily just ignored him. After going through her features, her hair, and her voice ten times a realization struck him. He was horrified, overwhelmed with the emotion he was feeling by just hearing her twinkly laugh. James was speechless for a while.

_She hates you_, he told himself, ignoring the searing pains in his chest, _she hates you with all her being. She'll never like you back. _James rolled his eyes back towards her, watching her in agony. A sudden pang to apologize to her made him jump and walk towards her. His hazel eyes were wide and horrified as he cleared his throat to grab her attention. Lily jumped and glared up at him. Benjy was watching him curiously.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily asked through her teeth. James gulped.

"I-I'm not very impulsive before," he managed to croak out. Lily snorted. "I know I've done you wrong before. But Evans, I wish you would accept my apology for those times I have teased you, ridiculed you, or whatever I did wrong to you. I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore, I promise." He gushed out hurriedly. Lily was surprised.

"T-This isn't a ploy to make me go out with you?" she asked skeptically. James just shook his head quietly. "Fine then. I forgive you, now go sod off. I need to finish this essay."

James nodded and hurried out the Great Hall. Lily Evans had accepted his apology. He couldn't believe it. He was breathless but the agony of knowing she'll never _ever _love him back kept slashing at his chest.

_Am I supposed to continue this emotion? _James asked himself, _Should I stop? Arrgh, I don't know! I want to leave her but I just can't! Oh Merlin, help me. _

"Prongs! Prongs, wait!" Sirius huffed from the bottom of the Grand Staircase. James watched him with agonized eyes. Sirius stopped.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked worriedly. James shook his head.

"Have you ever been in love, Padfoot?" he asked in a voice not entirely his own. It was agonized, mixed with confusion and horror. Sirius just shook his head.

"Why? What's happened?" Sirius asked. "Are you in love then?"

"I-I guess I am," said James. "But she's never going to like me back." Sirius snorted.

"All the girls love you, Prongs," he said confidently but James was watching him with a frown on his face. Sirius gulped. "Who is this girl, Prongs?"

"Lily Evans," James' voice shook when he said her name. Sirius watched him with pity.

"Oh my God, Prongs," said Sirius, "You really love her don't you?" James nodded.

"It's like I'm in the darkness, knowing she won't love me back," he said, "It's like twilight, I'm happy I love her but hate myself because I do. There's no light. I couldn't see the light of it all. It's like there's no sun, no moon, no dawn, no day, no _Lumos_. It's chaos, Sirius."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know this incredible short but I intended this to be a one-shot but I want to make it chapters. I hope you liked the story. Please leave a review if you have some corrections. And _yes, _James was _never _Head Boy. It's only in fanon that he was but yeah, I wrote an L/J fanfic and he was Head Boy. But I think that it _is _fan FICTION. So we could just let our imagination run around and be insane. :)**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter because if I did, I would let Tonks, Remus, and Fred live. I do not own Cosmic Love, all rights are to Florence and The Machine and her record label.****

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><p><strong>Cosmic Love<strong>

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><p>"<em>I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map<em>  
><em>And knew that somehow I could find my way back<em>  
><em>Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too<em>  
><em>So I stayed in the darkness with you"<em>_  
><em>_- Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>

It was already January and James hadn't gotten over his "darkness". He continued to watch Lily with an agonized expression but acted kindly to her anyway. Sometime between, James had earned her trust and she called him James already. James was ecstatic for a while but after a few hours, he fell back into his "darkness".

It was nearing their N.E.W.T.S. and James was hurrying along the hallways of Hogwarts, carrying heavy books and a bag and pretty much alone. He operated alone in these times. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had understood of course and gave him some space. Though, they still eat their meals huddled in their corner of the Gryffindor table. James was staring at the floor where his feet trod. Students were rushing past him, a few girls squeal when they see him but stop immediately when they see his expression. Someone bump into his chest, interrupting his agonized and confused thoughts. He looked up to find a sea of dark red hair in front of him. Books hit the floor in numerous thuds and parchment flew out of them with a swish. Lily gasped and pulled back.

"I-I'm sorry, James," said Lily, turning red and picking up her books. James bent down and started picking up her things. They shoulders brushed together and the lavender smell of her hair was maddening. James reached to an essay on a long piece of parchment and he froze. Their hands touched, sending a jolt of electricity into James' hand. His expression darkened. He withdrew his hand and stood up. Lily followed and tried to balance her things.

"I'm sorry for running into you, James," squeaked Lily, brushing her to the back of her ear. James froze again, it was all too much already.

"It's-It's fine, Lily," said James quietly, "I-I must go now." James rushed off, his head running fast. He had to forget her. It was too much.

He hurried off to the library searched for books about modifying memories. He grabbed a couple of books out of random and set them down. He read through them silently. After scanning through each he had found a promising one and borrowed the book from the library. He hurried off to Gryffindor Tower, skipping dinner and sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the fire. He read silently, trying to understand the theories and wand movements. He'll just have to think of Lily then with a quick of utter of the spell she'll be erased from his memories. He continued reading for a few minutes and finally picked up his wand. Tears were starting to run down his cheeks.

"I can't take it anymore," he whispered. He pushed Lily into his mind, her hair, her words, her almond shaped green eyes. After he was sure he was thinking of her and no one else, he pointed his wand to his forehead. He closed his eyes. "_Dimen_-"

"James?" Lily's voice rose from the portrait hole. James stopped and faced her. She looked like she was doing deep thought. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," said James quickly, not wanting to meet her eyes. Lily raised her eyebrows and glared suspiciously at James' wand that was currently raised to his forehead and down to the papers and books on the armchair. She sauntered forward and examined the books.

"James, what is this?" said Lily, glancing back at him. James grabbed them all and hid it behind his back.

"I told you, it's nothing, just some research for that Charm essay and-" said James.

"Why are you researching on Memory Modifying Charms?" Lily interrupted him. "We've done that months ago."

"Erm-"

"James?"

"Okay," James sighed. "I was trying to modify my memory, happy now?" Lily gasped.

"W-Why?" she asked, horrified. James shrugged.

"Nothing," he said. "I wanted to forget you."

"Why would you do that?" said Lily, infuriated.

"I'm trying to… to go back to the old James," said James.

"What would forgetting me be able to help you to go back to the old you?" Lily fumed. "And I like the new James."

"No, Lily, this new James I'm showing you is a mask," said James. "This James is a façade. I'm not whole inside Lily, I feel like I'm in darkness. It's eating me up. I need to forget you because _you're _causing it!"

"Me?" Lily shrieked. "I'm causing it? Why in Merlin's baggy pants are you blaming it on me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Everything you do!" James yelled back. "The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you make your hair flip when you're walking, the way your green eyes sparkle. I could tell you more but it'd be a shorter list if I tell you the opposites of what I'm telling you."

Lily was speechless. Her mouth was hung open but her eyes were still fixed in a glare. Actually, she looked quite stupid at that moment.

"Don't forget me, James," said Lily in a squeaky voice. "I-I don't want you to forget me."

"And why is that?" James muttered.

"Y-You do the exact same thing to me," Lily whispered, barely audible. "I-I love you."

"Come again?" said James his eyes wide.

"James Potter," Lily began, closing her eyes in frustration, "I love you. You've been driving me up the wall ever since your 'New James' appeared. I thought you didn't like me back."

This time, James was speechless. He looked like a cave man who was hit on the head with club and saying _duuhrr_. They stood like that for a while, taking in the situation. After a few minutes, Lily opened her eyes.

"James?"

"But… But I liked you back," said James in a daze. "In fact, I _loved _you back."

"How about we stay in your so called darkness together then?" Lily suggested, stepping forward. James closed the gap between them and stood right in front of her.

"I think that'll make it more endurable," James whispered before pressing his lips to hers.


End file.
